


opposites attract

by noahczerns



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Kids AU, M/M, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-09-22 18:23:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9619640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahczerns/pseuds/noahczerns
Summary: Lance and Keith were best friends when they were kids, but not so much after growing up. They always wondered about the soulmate marks on the back of their necks and who they would match with in the end, and now Lance finds himself hoping Keith will match with him.





	1. when we were young

Lance rubbed the back of his neck where he knew the mark was. He had never really thought much about it, it was just something that was always there, that everyone had. Recently, though, he’d find himself wishing he could see it properly. He’d seen the icicle mark in photos, usually obstructed by his hair or a collar, and briefly in the mirror if he twisted his head at just the right angle, but he’d never been able to look at it in detail. He’d started daydreaming about how his mark would change when his soulmate touched it. It was the cheesiest thing in the world, yet he was always in awe when he saw his parents’ matching marks and looked at photos of how they were before. His mother’s had been a single water droplet until the age of 23 when she met Lance’s father and it became a mixture of water and earth coming together. The same thing happened to Lance’s father’s, except his earth finally had water.

Lance sighed. He was a full 5 years younger than his mother when she met his father, and 7 younger than his father. He wondered how it felt when your mark changed. He wondered if it felt of anything at all. He wasn’t desperate to find his soulmate yet, but he was desperate to know if someone he already knew was his soulmate.

It was common knowledge that to really _know_ if someone truly was your soulmate, you had to experience something intimate and significant together to make your marks match. It didn’t always have to be physical; Lance’s father loved to tell the story of how Lance’s mom supported him fully and unconditionally when he was struggling, and how he returned the favour. Lance had never been that close to anyone. He had Hunk and Pidge, but he was pretty emotionally closed off to them too. Expressing your emotions with memes tends to do that to a person. The only person he’d ever felt a closer connection to was barely his friend anymore. Keith had drifted away from him. Or maybe Lance has drifted away from Keith. He couldn’t remember the details, only how it felt to be eight years old with a best friend he would die for. In a video game, of course.

-

_“Keith!” Lance projected his voice across the playground as he ran towards the other boy as fast as his little legs could carry him, which was rather fast for a boy his size. His rucksack banged against his back painfully but he ignored it. “Keeeeeeeeeith!”_

_Keith finally stopped and turned around. Lance came abruptly to a stop as well, millimetres away from bumping into him. Keith smiled, “Yes, Lance?”_

_“Did you want to come round my house to play today?” he was panting heavily and grabbed onto his arm in excitement, “I know it’s short notice, but...” he trailed off and looked at Keith hopefully._

_“Yeah!” Keith replied, “I’ll have to ask my foster mom first, though. If you let me go, that is.” he laughed and shook the arm Lance had a firm grip on._

_Lance blushed a little and let go of his arm. “Whoops, sorry. Hurry up and ask!”_

_“Okay Mr. Bossy.” Keith laughed again and wandered off in the direction of a woman who looked just like all the other moms picking up their children. Lance saw his own mom waiting a few feet away surrounded by a few of his siblings, some older and some younger, she looked as if she was about to yell at him to hurry up too. Lance signalled at her to wait a little longer and followed Keith, taking a few longer steps to keep up._

_“Hey Keith, how was your day?” said the lady. She was tall with long, dark hair and a kind smile._

_“It was good.” Keith answered. Lance nudged Keith with his elbow and Keith narrowed his eyes at him from the side, “Can I go to Lance’s house to play? Please?”_

_Lance closed his eyes and clasped his hands together, “Pleaaaaaaaaase?”_

_“You can if you promise to do your homework as soon as you get back home.”_

_“He promises!” Lance said at the same time as Keith said: “I promise!”_

_“Will Keith be having dinner at your house, Lance?” the lady asked, turning to Lance with a hand on her hip._

_“Yep! My mom’s a great cook. Keith said our food is better than yours.”_

_Keith looked at the ground sheepishly and a blush crept up to his cheeks. “I only said I liked it a lot.”_

_“That’s fine, then. I’ll take your bags home.” Keith’s foster mom graciously ignored the comment about her cooking with a sigh._

_Lance beamed as Keith handed over his bags and said goodbye to his foster mom. “This is gonna be great!”_

_Keith smiled back. “Did you ask your mom yet?”_

_It was Lance’s turn to look away. “She’ll say yes.”_

_Keith rolled his eyes, but he was still smiling._

_“She loves you! No one can say no to you.”_

_Keith made a hmmm sound as they walked back to where Lance’s mom was waiting rather impatiently. Keith almost expected her to start tapping her foot on the ground._

_“Last again, Lance,” she tried to sound mad but it was clear to see she was glad to see her son._

_“Sorry…”_

_“I’m guessing Keith is coming over?” She cocked an eyebrow in Keith’s direction._

_“If that’s okay?” Keith said, a little nervous even though he’d been over a thousand times before._

_Lance’s mom smiled, “Of course it is, dear. It would be nice if Lance gave me a little warning next time, though.”_

_“I forgot to ask this morning,” Lance shrugged. He moved his bag onto one shoulder so that he could link arms with Keith._

_Lance’s family home was barely a 5-minute walk away, which Lance was always glad about. He couldn’t imagine having to squeeze into the same car as most of his siblings and his mom every day at 8am. He thought he would probably die._

_Lance and Keith walked a little further behind the rest of the McClain family pack with their arms still linked. Lance’s mom looked over her shoulder and encouraged them to hurry along every so often and stop dawdling. Not once did they take on this advice._

_“The best Pokémon is totally charizard. There’s no other choice.” Lance said defiantly._

_Keith pulled a face. “But that’s so obvious, everyone’s favourite is charizard.”_

_“Well, which one’s your favourite then?”_

_Keith thought about it for a second, then said; “Ninetales.”_

_“That’s… actually a pretty solid answer. Vulpix is cool too.”_

_“Did you know vulpix only has one tail when it’s born? And it’s white!” Keith said, sounding shocked at his own fact._

_“No way! That can’t be true!”_

_“It is.”_

_“Not!”_

_“I’ll prove it to you. It says so in the Pokédex.”_

_Lance exhaled loudly. They were finally back at his home. It wasn’t quite big enough for their family, so rather a lot of his brothers and sisters had to share rooms, but Lance loved it all the same. They followed Lance’s mom and his siblings through the front door and reluctantly unhooked their arms to fit inside._

_Lance quickly whipped his coat off and shoved it into the cupboard near the front door and gestured for Keith to do the same. Lance ran up two flights of stairs with Keith in tow up to Lance’s bedroom which he shared with one of his older brothers. Luckily, he was out at the moment, probably doing some extracurricular, so they had the room to themselves. Keith made himself at home on Lance’s bed whilst Lance rummaged through his drawer to find his Gameboy. He threw a couple of socks onto the floor, and the odd t-shirt._

_“Why do you keep it in your clothes drawer?” Keith asked._

_“Because. I. Want. To.” Lance replied, exhausted. “A ha!” he pulled the silvery grey console triumphantly out of the wooden chest of drawers. Peeking out of the bottom was a copy of Pokémon LeafGreen._

_“I wish I had my game but my foster mom won’t let me bring it to school,” Keith said, a hint of sadness seeped into his voice._

_Lance smiled at him, “You can share mine for today. If your so-called vulpix fact is right, that is.”_

_Keith furrowed his eyebrows, “Of course it is!”_

_“Let’s find out,” Lance said and switched the console on. He sat on the bed next to Keith and held the Gameboy equally between them so Keith could see the screen. He loaded up his save file and searched for vulpix on the Pokédex. He read the entry carefully. “Damn! You were right!”_

_Keith leaned back smugly. “Told you.”_

_“I can’t believe it,” Lance gasped, “But how does it get more tails?”_

_“I’m not sure,” Keith bit his lip in thought._

_“Oh well. Want to see my team? I levelled up since last time.”_

_“By how much?” Keith asked eagerly._

_“My charmander is a charmeleon now. It’s almost a charizard!”_

_“That’s so cool! I really thought you would pick squirtle, though.”_

_“Why? Because my mark is ice?” Lance looked at Keith questioningly._

_“Well, yeah. It kind of makes water and ice your thing.”_

_“You picked bulbasaur and your mark is fire. What’s the difference?”_

_“Umm, I don’t know. I guess I just assumed? It’s not a big deal.” Keith shrugged, hoping Lance would drop the conversation._

_“How do you think your mark’ll change when you meet your soulmate?” Lance asked suddenly, his hand had drifted to the back of his neck._

_“Maybe it’ll be more fire.” Keith mused. He leaned his head against Lance’s shoulder to get a better view of the Gameboy screen._

_“I’ve never heard of fire and fire before.”_

_“Me neither.”_

_“Probably because it would be too hot to handle.” Lance nudged Keith with his arm with a toothy smile on his face, “Get it? Too hot?”_

_Keith rolled his eyes and tried to hide his laugh. “You’re a loser.”_

_“You need me to cool you down. Cos I’m cool.”_

_Keith couldn’t contain his laughter any longer, it came out in a huge burst. Lance protested that he was cool, which made him laugh even harder._

-

The memory warmed Lance’s heart, but the flames were close to leaving a burn. Everything with Keith had been so easy back then. It was natural, and he missed it. Seeing Keith at school every day without talking was starting to hurt more and more. He had to break the silence between them. He had to at least try.


	2. might as well try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance decides it's time he talked to Keith for the first time in over a year. It goes exactly how he imagined it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *uploads chapter 2 six months later* ........ anyone there ??  
> IM SO SORRY THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS JFDKSJDKSFJDSD  
> it's summer so i'm going to do my best to finish this (no promises)  
> sorry again yikes

Lance’s alarm went off at 6 o’clock sharp. The piercing shrill of the beeping made him groan and he reluctantly rolled over to the other side of his bed and slammed his hand on the off-switch. He sighed as the sound finally stopped pounding into his still sleeping brain. It was a Monday. He felt like every cliché rolled into one on Monday mornings.

“Lance! Are you up yet?” Lance’s mom called from the other side of the door with a knock. She only stayed for a brief second before moving onto the next room to wake up more of her children. Lance could hear his dad making everyone’s lunches downstairs; he wasn’t the quietest cook.

Lance wanted nothing more than to close his eyes for another two hours, or maybe four. Rubbing his eyes and bracing himself for the inevitable cold, he shoved his duvet off his body and pushed himself off his bed. He headed to his chest of drawers filled with his clothes and took out his usual jeans and a t-shirt; he’d pick up his jacket from the coat hangers near the front door later. After opening his underwear drawer and rummaging around for a clean pair of boxer shorts and a matching pair of socks, he stopped abruptly. Peeking out from an odd sock with a lizard embroidered on it, was his old Gameboy. He’d forgotten it was still in there; he was sure one of his younger brothers had snuck it out at some point or another. He stared at it for a moment, then picked it up and looked at it. It still had one of his Pokémon games in the slot. Lance smiled, but it was tainted with sadness.

“LANCE! You better be getting dressed!” His mother shouted again.

“I am!” Lance called back, not looking away from the console in his hands. He took one more lingering look at the Gameboy and put it back in the drawer. He found the boxers and socks he’d been looking for and dressed quickly.

An hour and a half and a whole lot of breakfast mess later, the majority of the McClain family was packed into the car. It was almost exactly like taking the school bus, there was just as much noise, except he could excuse the weird behaviour of his siblings because they were related. Lance took a seat next to a window, he felt like listening to music and watching the views pass by. He stuck his earphones in and immersed himself into the songs. Well, he tried to. It was a little difficult since a certain person kept cropping up in his mind. It didn’t help that most of the songs on his favourite playlist leaned towards the topic of love.

Lance felt a prodding on his shoulder. He turned to the direction of the culprit and took out one earphone, his younger sister wanted his attention. “What is it, Emilia?”

Emilia cocked her head to the side, flipping one of her pig tails to the other side of her head. “You look sad.”

Lance had to smile at her concern. “I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me. What about you, did you finish all your homework for today?”

“Yep,” Emilia replied, nodding enthusiastically. She leaned closer to Lance and put one of her little hands onto his leg to steady herself. “I’m gonna be the best in my class.”

“Of course you are, Em,” Lance said, his voice involuntarily going slightly high pitched.

“Can I listen to your music too?” asked Emilia, already tugging on the wire of Lance’s earphones.

“Oh, sure.” Lance swapped his earphone to the other ear and placed the other carefully into Emilia’s ear. “Do you like my music?”

“Yeah! This song is kind of cheesy, though,” Emilia teased. Lance gasped and pretended to ignore her, sending Emilia into a fit of giggles.

It wasn’t long before Emilia had to get out of the car to go to her kindergarten and left Lance alone to his thoughts again. He still hadn’t figured out what he was going to say to Keith. He wasn’t even sure if Keith would want to talk to him. He didn’t know what he’d do if he didn’t want to. Keith’s eyes filled with anger and hatred for Lance wasn’t something he ever wanted to see again.

Lance arrived at school and barely concentrated on his classes before lunch. He hadn’t made enough notes and he knew he would regret it later. Instead, he had ended up looking at the marks on the back of his classmate’s necks. Directly in front of him, the girl had a water mark, similar to his mother’s before it changed. No one’s in his class had merged with another yet. Even his teacher had a lonesome air mark, though he was relatively young. He thought about Keith’s mark and how it would look if it melted his iciness.

He didn’t see Keith in the halls in between lessons, which was a minor relief, although he would have liked to see his smile even if it wasn’t directed at him. He wasn’t sure which was worse, seeing him and not being able to talk to him, or not seeing him at all. Both were painful in their own way.

At lunch, Lance made his way to the usual table with Hunk and Pidge. Hunk immediately noticed a change in him.

“What’s the matter? Don’t even say it’s nothing, dude,” Hunk said before Lance had even put down his tray of food. Pidge looked up from whatever contraption was in her hand to study Lance more closely as he sat down opposite the both of them.

Lance rolled his eyes, he knew he couldn’t lie to Hunk. He just hoped he wouldn’t question his motives. “I need to make up with Keith.”

“That’s gonna be difficult,” Pidge said simply whilst adjusting her glasses.

“He won’t even look at you. How are you going to talk to him?” Hunk asked. He not-so-discreetly scoured the lunch room for Keith.

“He doesn’t usually get in here until later.” Lance bit his lip. “I don’t exactly have a plan. Yet.”

“You should say something that’ll soften him up before he gets too angry,” Hunk suggested, his eyes still not on the two people in front of him despite Lance’s words.

Lance slumped in his chair, “Like what, though?”

Pidge shrugged, “Something that means a lot to the both of you? By the way, why the sudden interest in making up with him? You never seemed too bothered before.”

Lance looked pained. “I have my reasons.”

“Which are?” Pidge pressed, leaning forward in her seat slightly.

“Please don’t make me say it.”

Pidge raised her eyebrows. Hunk’s eyes widened.

“You don’t… Like him do you? Like, really like him?” Pidge wanted to be sure she was right.

Lance didn’t reply, but he pulled a non-committal face.

“Yikes.” Pidge looked down at her food.

“Since when?” Hunk asked, a little confused at how he could suddenly like the boy he was supposed to hate.

“I don’t know… probably since we were little. I never really noticed until recently.”

Pidge choked a little on her food. “You’ve been suffering that long?”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Lance admitted.

“Guys! He’s here!” Hunk only remembered to whisper at the end of his sentence. Lance felt his cheeks heat up.

“What are you going to say?” Pidge said nervously.

Lance stayed rooted to his seat, “Not a clue.”

“Hang on,” Hunk interrupted. “You’re planning on talking to him, _today_? Lance, have you lost your mind?!”

“Not sure if he ever had it to begin with,” said Pidge, taking a bite of her food.

“I can’t keep putting it off,” Lance replied, putting his head in his hands.

Lance desperately wanted to turn around in his seat and look at Keith, but he resisted the urge. He stared down at his untouched food instead; he was too on edge to eat. Instead, he picked up his fork and twisted it between his fingers. He exhaled loudly. If he didn’t do it today, he’d just continue making up excuses to avoid it forever. He couldn’t handle being the target of Keith’s anger _forever_ /. Slowly, he pushed his chair away from the table and stood up.

“Good luck,” Hunk said, looking rather concerned.

Pidge smiled up at him, “It’ll be fine. I hope.”

“Here goes nothing.” Lance turned around and saw Keith almost immediately. Luckily, Keith was yet to spot him. He was laughing at something someone had said, his eyes closed and his whole body shaking.

 Lance remembered the time when he could make him laugh like that.

His chest heaved. He still hadn’t moved away from the table. Pidge prodded his arm from behind and Lance swatted her hand away without turning back. He started walking towards Keith, focusing on keeping his feet moving ahead of him. He knew if he hesitated even for a moment he’d been overcome with cowardice. Running a hand through his hair, he mentally thought of a thousand different ways to persuade Keith to talk to him in private. In all the scenarios, he came across as lame and as an asshole, which he accepted he had been, just a year too late.

The distance across the dining hall was a lot shorter than Lance would have liked it to be. He was a few feet away from Keith, his dark eyes reflected the bleak artificial light pouring from the ceiling above them. Keith turned his head, and his face transformed into a scowl. Lance had expected this, but the pang in his rib cage hurt all the same. Lance walked closer until they were within talking range, which was, unfortunately, a little too close for comfort thanks to the loudness of a bunch of teenagers all in one room.

“Keith–”

“What do you want?” Keith spat, avoiding eye contact.

“I wanted to talk. I wanted to apologise, for everything. I know it’s late–”

“Late?” Keith laughed, but it was laced with anger. “It’s been a year.”

“I know, I’m sorry for that too, but listen, can we do this somewhere else?” Lance pleaded, his hands were starting to shake.

“You really think I’d give you the time of day?” Keith replied. It was almost a hiss.

“Look, I want to make it up to you, so we can go back to how we were before.” Lance was starting to sweat now. It was going exactly how he’d expected, but he still wasn’t sure how to deal with Keith’s reaction, no matter how warranted it was.

“We can’t, Lance. That’s all there is to it,” said Keith matter-of-factly. Lance noticed a tinge of regret in his voice, but he might have just been hoping.

“Please, can’t we just try?” Lance was exasperated. This was the first time he’d properly spoken to Keith in over a year, and the ache he felt when he looked at Keith had now been multiplied by a million. “I miss you.”

“Well, then you should’ve thought about that before, shouldn’t you?” Keith said. He turned his back on Lance and left.

Lance was breathing heavily, struggling to comprehend their conversation. He could feel the eyes of numerous nosy kids on him, but all he could focus on were the words that had just winded him completely. He quickly wiped under his eyes and drifted solemnly back to where Hunk and Pidge were sat. He slumped back into his chair and stared at the white wall behind his friends.

“I’m so sorry, man.” Hunk reached across the table and placed his hand on top of Lance’s.

“At least he spoke to you for a bit,” said Pidge, trying to be positive.

Lance didn’t reply. He took a forkful of whatever was on his tray and silently put it into his mouth. It had gone cold and he cringed at the bitterness.

-

_“Hey Lance, can I sleep over at your house tonight?” Keith called ahead to Lance, biting his lip. He was pedalling faster than usual to keep up with Lance who was speeding ahead on his own bike._

_A smile spread across Lance’s face and he slowed down briefly so his voice wouldn’t get lost to the wind. “Yes! We can have midnight snacks!”_

_Keith beamed, relieved. “What kind of midnight snack?”_

_“You know, chocolate, chips, everything that’s amazing.” Lance let one hand slide off the handle bar of his bike and he felt the rush of denying what his father had told him to do. The bike wobbled beneath him and slammed his free hand straight back onto the handle bar._

_The two boys took a right turn and saw the park they were headed for in front of them. It was already covered with kids, which was inevitable since it was a cloudless day in the summer holidays. They dismounted their bikes and headed straight for the swings; one of the only things that were unoccupied. The swings weren’t Lance’s favourite thing at the park, but they were better than the sand pit, which he had grown out of years ago._

_“Let’s see who can get the highest first,” said Lance, already swinging in the seat whilst Keith was still climbing on to his._

_“Not fair! We have to start at the same time,” Keith pouted._

_Lance rolled his eyes and brought his swing to a stop. “Fiiine. Hurry up, then.”_

_Keith finally sat down on the swing and gripped the chains either side of him tightly. “Okay, go.”_

_Immediately both boys stomped their feet on the ground to give themselves the biggest push off they could muster. Lance swung slightly higher than Keith at first thanks to his long legs, but Keith’s sheer determination meant he soon over took him. The swing set creaked with every swing back and forth and the poles fixing it to the ground lifted up slightly every now and then but neither of the boys took any notice._

_“I don’t think we can get any higher,” Keith called over to Lance. He wasn’t listening, he was staring straight up at the sky. “Lance!”_

_Lance looked lost for a few seconds, then turned to where Keith’s voice came from. His cheeks were flushed from the wind whipping his cheeks and his hair was a mess with tufts sticking up every which way. Lance imagined his hair looked the same, but he didn’t suit the messy look as much as Keith. “What?”_

_“We_ tied _, I think,” Keith replied, with no signs of stopping swinging._

_Lance pulled a face. “Excuse me? I won, for sure.”_

_“You did not. You weren’t even watching.” Keith raised an eyebrow._

_“I was! And I got up here the fastest!” Half of Lance’s sentences were lost on Keith as he swung back and forth and Lance’s voice disappeared_ along _the way._

_“I’m getting a little dizzy,” Keith said, almost to himself. He stopped pushing himself forward with every swing and slowly brought himself to a stop. Lance looked on with a concerned look on his face, then he stopped too._

_“Is something up?” Lance asked, looking closely at Keith who was leaning his head against the metal chain of the swing._

_“Um, no, it’s nothing. My head hurts a bit.” Keith stared at the ground._

_Lance wasn’t convinced. “We’re best friends! You can tell me.”_

_Keith bit at the skin of his bottom lip. “I haven’t been getting on well with my foster mom lately.”_

_“How do you mean?” asked Lance, his eyebrows furrowed._

_“We have arguments and stuff. Bad ones.”_

_“That’s normal. I have fights with my mom all the time.” Lance wasn’t sure what Keith was so worried about._

_“Yeah, but that’s because you didn’t do the dishes or something. We fight for no reason.”_

_Lance’s eyes softened, “Is that why you want to come over tonight?”_

_“Yeah, if that’s still okay…”_

_“Of course it is! You can come whenever you like.” He reached over and put his hand on Keith’s arm. Keith look at where they were touching, and then and Lance’s face. He smiled._

-

“What’s your next plan of action?” Pidge asked, breaking into Lance’s daydream.

“He always liked my mom, maybe I can get her to talk to him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk to me on [tumblr](http://sugakoush.tumblr.com) remind me to actually finish this thing


	3. sleepovers & sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance convinces his mom to talk to Keith, and Keith himself has some feelings that he needs to confront.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s3 killed my ass????? thats all i gotta say

For the rest of the day, Lance focused on how he would broach the subject with his mother. She knew that he and Keith had fallen out, it was hard to miss when the amount of time Keith spent at her house had gone from all of the time to zero, and undoubtedly missed Keith almost as much as Lance himself did. That would have sounded like a stretch had it been about anyone else, but Lance’s mom loved a lot.

When he arrived back at home, he sunk into the couch into the living room. The anger in Keith’s voice felt like a dagger clinging to the gap it had made on his chest. The thing was, he didn’t want to pull it out because that was all he had left of Keith. The shouts of his younger siblings around him were muffled by his own thoughts. Pairs of small hands tugged at his arms, at his hair, at his legs but Lance simply waved them away and stared blankly.

His mind almost groggy, Lance got up off the sofa and walked into the kitchen where his mom stood, talking with one of his older sisters.

Their chatter stopped when he entered the room. Lance’s mom turned to look at her son, then tilted her head. “What’s the matter, Lance?”

Lance swallowed. “It’s about Keith.”

“That kid you used to be attached at the hip with?” His sister asked.

“Yeah. That kid,” Lance replied.

“Would you mind hanging the washing out, please?” Lance’s mom pushed a conveniently placed basket full of wet clothing towards Lance’s sister with her foot. She gave her an odd look, but complied and picked up the basket, then headed out to the garden. Once she was gone, Lance’s mom put her hand on Lance’s arm. “What about Keith?”

Lance shrugged, looking down at his feet. “I messed up. I miss him. I tried to apologise today, but he’s just so angry at me. I get why, I really do, but I just want to go back to how we were.”

“Oh, Lance.” She pulled him into a hug. Lance put his head on her shudder, which was a rather difficult feat with him being over a head taller than her. “You can’t force him to forgive you.”

“I know, but I hate that he’s angry at me. Still.”

Two of Lance’s youngest siblings came running into the kitchen, squealing all the way. Their mom raised her eyebrows at them, and then they ran out the same way they came, still squealing. The normalcy of it all made Lance’s mouth tug upwards at the corners, if feebly.

Lance pulled away from his mother’s grip. “I was thinking… maybe you could talk to him. He likes you.”

Lance’s mom bit her lip. “I’m not sure. It’s better off coming from you, love.”

“He won’t listen to me long enough for me to actually _say_  anything. He’s not angry at you, he’ll listen to you,” Lance pleaded. If his mom refused, he didn’t know what else he could do.

She sighed heavily. “I’ll see if I can have a chat with his mom, maybe I can pay a visit.”

“Thank you.” Lance’s face brightened. There was finally a slither of hope in his mission.

-

The one thing that Keith had not expected to happen had happened.

Talking to Lance again had relit the fire simmering in his stomach. He couldn’t tell if it was entirely anger or a mix of it and… something else. In the year that Keith had refused to talk to Lance, Lance had gotten taller, and his voice a little deeper. Keith wasn’t going to let that distract him. What he had done was unforgivable.

Keith cycled home. He locked his bike up in the garden and went inside, slamming the door with slightly more force than he had intended. His foster mom was sat at the dining table with her laptop in front of her and she looked up to the source of the noise.

“That door has done nothing to you,” she said.

Keith ignored her and headed straight for the stairs. He knew that if he opened his mouth how he was feeling now, he would have no control over what came out. He heard her call after him, but he continued to his room and closed the door behind him. This time, the force on the door was intended. He swung his bag off his back and dropped it on the floor, then sat down on his bed.

He wanted to scream. Or punch something. How _dare_  Lance think they could go back to how they were? He’d ruined any chance of that ever happening. It was all his fault. But then again, Keith had felt something missing in his life since he had cut all contact with Lance. He had had to find new friends, and they weren’t quite the same. He shook himself. He couldn’t think like that. He couldn’t let Lance back into his life just because he felt a little lonely sometimes. He had a shred of self-respect, at the very least.  

Keith exhaled heavily through his nose. Luckily, it was now the weekend, so he would have time to calm down before he had to go to school again. He could avoid Lance completely for two whole days.

There was a knock at his door.

“What?” Keith almost growled, laying down on his bed and making no effort to get up.

The door opened and his foster mom appeared in the doorway. “I’ve told you before. No slamming doors.”

“Whatever,” replied Keith, rolling over to look at the wall instead.

His foster mom tutted, then he heard the door close behind her as she left the room.

Keith clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut.

-

_“Keith,” Lance whispered, or tried to, anyway. “Are you awake?”_

_Keith yawned beside him in the dark. The two of them were wrapped up in individual blankets underneath the same duvet. When Keith didn’t answer, Lance reached out from beneath his blanket and poked Keith’s cheek._

_“I am now,” said Keith, rubbing his face where Lance had prodded him._

_“Good. I can’t sleep. We said we’d have a midnight snack, remember?”_

_Keith did remember. “Yeah.”_

_Lance grinned and pushed the duvet cover off both of them, then unravelled himself from his blanket and encouraged Keith to do the same. Keith yawned again as he slipped out of his blanket cocoon._

_Lance put his finger to his lip. “We’ve got to be quiet.” He nodded towards his sleeping elder brother._

_Treading carefully, Lance and Keith tiptoed down the stairs. Lance pointed out every step that was guaranteed to creak if stood on, and Keith stepped over it without making a sound._

_Once safe in the kitchen, Keith breathed a sigh of relief. “I feel like a spy.”_

_“Agent Mullet, open the fridge.” Lance attempted to suppress his laugh in his hand, but it escaped through his fingers._

_Keith rolled his eyes, although he did what Lance instructed. In the darkness of the kitchen, the light pouring from inside the fridge was almost blinding. Keith blinked a few times to get used to it. Lance pushed the fridge door further open so that he could look inside too._

_“What are we getting, Agent Dumbass?”_

_Lance gasped and his hand shot out to lay flat against Keith’s mouth. “You can’t say that word!” Keith poked his tongue out, sliding it against Lance’s palm, but Lance merely narrowed his eyes at him. “That doesn’t work on me.”_

_Keith was almost stumped. He mumbled something against Lance’s hand._

_Lance took his hand away and wiped it on his pyjama bottoms. “What?”_

_“Nothing.” Keith beamed. “You fall for all my tricks.”_

_“I do not.”_

_“Do.”_

_“Do not.”_

_“Do.”_

_“Shut up. I’m hungry.” Lance turned back to the fridge and grabbed a fistful of chocolate bars. He squinted at the rest of the contents but apparently deemed that there was nothing else that was midnight snack worthy. He pushed the door closed again, taking the little light there had been in the kitchen with it._

_“It’s dark,” muttered Keith._

_In the darkness, Keith could just about make out Lance’s silhouette. Lance shoved the rest of the chocolate bars under one arm and grabbed a hold of Keith’s hand. “There should be some crisps in the pantry.”_

_Lance led Keith over to the pantry cupboard, avoiding discarded toys with a skill only a master midnight snack hunter could achieve. The pantry creaked as Lance pulled it open, making the pair of them wince. Lance squinted. The crisps were on the very top shelf. His mom knew they were his favourite, and kept them there so he wouldn’t commit acts like this. Being Lance, he saw this as a challenge._

_To Keith’s dismay, Lance released his grip from his hand, placed the chocolate bars on the counter and pushed a chair from the dining table towards the pantry. It scraped loudly against the kitchen tiles._

_“Lance, stop,” Keith whispered. Lance paused and looked towards Keith, who was tiptoeing towards him. Keith placed his hands on the chair. “Lift it up.”_

_With their combined strength, they were able to lift the chair from the floor and take it to the pantry without making a sound._

_“I get an extra snack for that,” Keith teased._

_“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” replied Lance as he climbed up onto the chair. Even with the chair’s added height, he couldn’t quite reach the top shelf. He was merely an inch off. He huffed, determined, and stretched his hands and legs as far as they could go._

_From the floor, Keith could barely tell what was going on up there. Lance was standing on the tips of his toes, and before Keith could react, the chair began to slide away from beneath his feet. The wooden legs screeched against the floor. Lance looked down in confusion, then scrambled to grab hold of the nearest shelf. In a matter of seconds, the chair was too far from Lance’s reach, and he tumbled down from the shelf with a smack against the floor. Packets of crisps fell onto his head. Keith stared down in shock. He heard noise from upstairs; bare feet smacking on wooden floors. He got down on his hands and knees, his chest pounding._

_“Lance? Lance?” He put his hand on Lance’s shoulder and shook him. “Are you all right?”_

_Lance groaned and rolled over so that he was laying on his back, his arms flailed out on the floor. “Man down, Agent Mullet.” There were no signs of damage._

_Light filled the kitchen. Keith turned around just as Lance’s parents burst into the room. Keith wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He turned back to Lance; he was staring up at the ceiling with an amused look on his face._

_“What do you two think you’re doing?” Lance’s mom asked, clearly trying to remain quiet even though half of the house were probably awake by now._

_“And why is half of the contents of the pantry on the floor?” added Lance’s dad with a sigh._

_Lance pushed himself to stand up. Keith followed a second later. “We were getting a midnight snack.”_

_Keith stood quietly, unsure of what to say. He played with a loose string from his pyjama top._

_Lance’s mom shook her head in disbelief. “And you had to go for the crisps. On the top shelf. Of course.”_

_“They’re Lance’s favourite,” Keith mumbled, looking at the floor. He felt an arm slip into his._

_“Sorry, mom,” said Lance. “We were trying to be quiet.”_

_“I’m sorry too.” Keith looked up through his hair._

_“As long as you’re both okay, that’s all that matters.” Lance’s mom came over and ruffled their hair. “Now, you two better go back to bed and get some sleep.” She picked up two chocolate bars off the counter and two packets of crisps off the floor and handed them over to them. Lance and Keith took them gratefully._

_“Thanks, mom!” Lance grinned, pulling Keith towards the door._

_“Thank you!” Keith called over his shoulder, his heart swelling and his face warm._

-

Things had been much simpler then. They could sleep in the same bed and it meant nothing. They were just kids who were best friends. They didn’t take sides in arguments, hell, there were no arguments. Getting caught in the search for a midnight snack was the biggest problem they had.

Keith went to sleep on Friday night with a headache and sore eyes. On Saturday afternoon, by the time he couldn’t justify letting himself stay suck in his bed any longer, the headache was persistent, and his puffy eyes were out to expose him.

“Keith!” His foster mom’s voice shouted. “There’s someone here to see you. Come downstairs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TALK TO ME ABOUT S3 ON [TUMBLR](http://sugakoush.tumblr.com) !!!!!!!!!!!! or whatever ya know


	4. a feeling you thought you'd forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance's mom talks to Keith per Lance's request, and now Lance has to deal with the repercussions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i put all the flashbacks in italics (in previous chapters as well) because i thought that'd make it clearer?? yea

Keith did not want to see anyone today. He had planned to spend the entire day in his room wallowing, and this _visitor_  was distinctly ruining his plans. He suspected it was probably a kid from school. But why hadn’t they just texted him? Not like he would answer, anyway…

“Keith! I’m not going to tell you again.” His foster mother’s voice was closer this time, and more angry.

Reluctantly, Keith pushed himself out of bed and dressed. He didn’t bother checking his hair. Or his face. He probably looked a mess, but he couldn’t care less. He wandered out of his room and down the stairs towards the source of his foster mother’s incessant yelling with his hand pressed to his head in a vain attempt to quell his headache.

When his eyes landed on the _visitor_ , he froze.

Too many unexpected things were happening recently.

The possibility of Lance’s mom being in his living room had not even crossed his mind. What was he supposed to say to her? Sorry your son turned out to be a bit of a dick?

“Keith, finally,” his foster mom said. “Lance’s mom wanted to have a word with you. I have some work to be getting on with, let me know if you need anything.” She waved and left the room. 

Lance’s mom waved back, then turned and gave Keith a smile, something he’d seen many times before over the years, but this was the first time he had seen it tainted with sadness. Keith felt last night’s dinner roll over in his stomach. “It’s nice to see you, Keith. It’s been a while,” she said.

“Uh, yeah. It has.” Keith scratched the back of his neck. It was all he could do not to bolt out of the room that second. Just looking at Lance’s mom reminded him of all the kind words she had given him over the years, the laughs he’d shared with her family, and the hugs that had felt more like a home than the house he was currently standing in did.

“I’m sorry to barge in on you like this.” She fiddled with her hands but maintained eye contact with Keith. Keith struggled not to break it. “I know something happened between you and Lance last year.”

“He told you?” Keith’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t want to be mad around her, but his temper was already rising, and it always got the best of him.

“Not… exactly. He told me that you two had a fight, and you’re still angry. He cares about you, Keith, more than he knows.”

“He has a funny way of showing it.” Keith crossed his arms and looked away, the fire building in him again. It had been a year, and Keith had thought he was finally healing, but now the wound was open again and he realised he had just been numb.

Lance’s mom sighed. “He wanted me to tell you he’s sorry, and that you don’t have to forgive him if you don’t want to. He wants to move past this.”

“So, he’s just saying it to relieve his own conscience?” Keith said sharply, raising his eyebrows. “Typical.”

“No, Keith. It’s not like that at all,” she replied.

Keith stared at the wall.

“Do you miss him?” Lance’s mom asked.

Keith swallowed hard. For the past year, he had done his absolute best to avoid thinking about Lance at all. He’d avoided him in the hallways at school, avoided every place he knew Lance liked to go and stopped talking to Hunk and Pidge too. He’d shoved all the things in his room that reminded him of Lance into his wardrobe. He’d thrown himself into new friendships and new hobbies so that he wouldn’t have to acknowledge the sudden gaping hole in his chest. If he acknowledged it, he’d eventually have to feel it.

The seal had always been flimsy, but he’d lasted this long, he wasn’t going to let it fall apart now.

“Please go,” he muttered.

Lance’s mom looked at him desperately. “He misses you,” she said. Then, she left.

After she had gone, Keith retreated to his room, ignoring his foster mom’s questions. He knew he would have to deal with them later, just like everything else. 

The conversation had left him feeling empty. All the anger that had been forming inside him suddenly dissipated. He wasn’t going to admit what he knew, not even to himself.

Instinct alone led him to his wardrobe. He removed the blanket that was lying on the pile of things at the bottom. His eyes had skirted over the mess for a year now. Why had he never gotten rid of it all, instead of letting it all rot in here? He picked up a t-shirt that was lying on the top of the pile. Even after a year of gathering dust, he could still make out the _Gotta catch ‘em all_  slogan. There was no way it would fit him now; it would be more like a crop top. Lance’s name was scrawled in his mother’s handwriting on the label. His fist tightened in the fabric. He brought the t-shirt closer to him, covering his nose and breathing in the scent.

-

Lance was fidgeting. Some would ask, when wasn’t he fidgeting? But Lance was fidgeting significantly more than usual. He sat on the sofa with both of his legs bouncing, his fingers twiddling his earlobes, and his other hand tapping on the empty space next to him. His mom had been gone for a while. He had no idea whether that was a good sign or not. He bit his lip.

Emilia, appearing out of nowhere, tugged at one of his erratic legs. “Why are you all nervous?”

Lance looked down at her looking up at him. He plastered a smile on his face. “I’m not nervous.”

“But your legs.” Since she was gripped on so tightly, she was bouncing up and down with them too.

Lance forced them still, then she clambered up onto his knees, making him wince with the sudden influx of pressure. “I’m… exercising. Yeah. That’s all. Gotta work out when I can.” He slid his hands under her arms and tickled her, sending her into a fit of giggles and gasping for air.

“Lance - stop!” She managed to squeak between gasps. His fingers were relentless, getting her exactly where she was the most ticklish. “Lance!” She grabbed his hands with her tiny ones. Her force was minimal, but Lance stopped.

Once she got her breath back, she cocked her head to the side. “Is it Keith? I heard mom talking about him. I miss Keith. Why doesn’t he ever come over anymore?”

Lance brought both of their hands down onto Emilia’s legs and sighed. “He – I was a bad friend.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowed, confused. She crossed her legs on Lance’s lap, getting herself comfortable as if this was like one of the many times Lance had sat her down to tell her a story. He smiled at her bewildered expression; his first genuine of one the day.

“He needed me, but I… wasn’t there for him. Not in the way I should have been.” Lance swallowed, his throat was dry. He hadn’t really talked to anyone about what he had done, or hadn’t done, which was more accurate, and he had not expected the first person he told to be his baby sister.

“Why don’t you be there for him now? Invite him over so we can play!” She smiled a toothless grin at him; reminding him of the months when Keith’s smile had been like that.

Lance’s chest heaved. “It’s not that easy. He doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.” He pressed his lips together in a feeble smile.

“Then he’s stupid,” she replied, crossing her arms. She jumped off his lap and waltzed off to sit directly beneath the TV, her lip stuck out in a frown. When she turned around, the mark on the back of her neck peeping out of her shirt was almost completely visible. Hers was just like their father’s; a circle of green grass and natural earth. He wondered if she thought about her soulmate as much as he had been thinking about his lately. He doubted it. All she cared about was when the next time she could have a chocolate bar was.

He picked at his nails.

Did Keith still wonder who his soulmate was? Sure, they used to talk about it sometimes, but it had usually been Lance who brought it up. Did he hope it was someone he already knew? The thought made Lance sick to his stomach.

The front door clicked open and Lanced swiftly swivelled his head around to the source of the noise. His mother was in the doorway. She walked into the living room towards Lance, her expression apologetic. Lance gulped.

“I’m sorry, Lance. I tried, he just doesn’t want to know.” She shrugged her shoulders solemnly. “I think the only way is for you do it yourself.”

Lance flailed back on the sofa, groaning. “I already tried, mom! He just yelled at me!”

She crossed her arms. “You’re just going to have to try again, aren’t you?”

Lance covered his face with his hands.

“Look, if you really want to salvage your friendship with him, you need to lay all of your feelings out on the table.”

Lance didn’t particularly feel like laying _all_  of his feelings out for Keith. He peeked out from behind his hands. “He won’t even let me say one feeling. ONE.”

“You hurt him, Lance. You have to accept that,” his mom said, quiet compared to Lance’s outburst.

Lance sighed heavily and nodded. “I know.”

“Give him some time.”

“It’s already been a year –”

Lance’s mom zipped her fingers across her lips, indicating him to _be quiet_  and listen to what she had just said. She raised an eyebrow, something that Lance had picked up from her, then walked out of the room.

Lance deflated back into the sofa. From the other side of the room, Emilia turned to look at him and stuck her tongue out. Lance stuck his out right back.

He took his phone out of his pocket and began tapping on the screen.

**FROM:** Lance

**TO:** Hunk, Pidge

The mom plan didn’t work. I have no idea what to do. lmao ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Lance let his phone fall onto his face. He immediately regretted this decision when it vibrated directly onto his teeth.

**FROM: Hunk**

want me to come over ??

Lance thought about it for a moment. He needed something to distract him from thinking about _this_  all day.

**FROM:** Lance

yeah man. pidge u can come to if u want

**FROM:** Pidge

I’ll be there

Already feeling a little better, Lance followed to where his mom had gone and let her know that Hunk and Pidge were coming over.

-

Lance leaned to the side with his controller, as if that would help his steering. “If you send off that blue shell Pidge I swear to God I will crush you with my bare hands.”

When Hunk and Pidge had arrived, the three of them immediately headed for Lance’s room and his games console. So far, there hadn’t been a single mention of anyone whose name began with a K; wanting to destroy each other at Mario Kart was proving to be a good distraction.

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want!” Pidge replied through gritted teeth, before releasing the blue shell. A smug grin spread across her face.

“AH!” Lance cried as he watched in helplessly and in horror as the blue shell descended upon his character, sending it flying and off the course. He groaned as his character was placed back on the track, and the rest of the karts zoomed past him.

“Thanks a lot, Pidge!” Hunk snuck into first place, Pidge giving him the opening he had been waiting for the entire race. It was the last lap, and Hunk remained in first, Pidge close behind in second, and Lance now trailing behind in fifth.

“This isn’t fair!” Lance whined, jumping up from his spot on the bed. “A banana? REALLY? I need the rocket, damn it!” He shook his controller in frustration.

Hunk crossed the finish line and gave a whoop in celebration. Pidge finished a second later, glad that she had beaten Lance, but a little miffed that the first place had been ripped from her grasp. Lance sat silently as his car eventually passed the finish line in fourth.

“I should’ve won that,” he mumbled, rolling his eyes.

“Sucks to suck,” Pidge replied.

“This afternoon is supposed to be about _comforting_ me” He reminded them, though he couldn’t deny that he was having fun, even if he had lost.

“We’ll comfort you for your loss.” Hunk grinned.

Lance scoffed and sat back down on his bed, leaning against the wall. “Such great friends, the both of you.”

“Oh, we know,” said Pidge.

Silence fell between them, which was a rare occurrence with Lance in the room. Lance looked up at the ceiling and brought his knees to his chest.

“You want to talk about it now?” Hunk asked tentatively. Lance hadn’t brought it up at all since he had texted them, but he knew he had to talk about it eventually.

“I guess.” Lance brought his gaze back to his friends and rubbed the back of his neck. “What if he never forgives me?”

“He’s not that stubborn,” Hunk said. He paused. “I don’t think?”

Pidge nudged him with her elbow. “He’s stubborn, but he’s not stupid.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lance looked at her quizzically.

“He’ll realise he misses you too, eventually.”

Lance almost scoffed again. “How do you know that?”

Pidge shrugged. “You guys were like, best friends. How can someone not miss their best friend?”

Lance mulled over her words. He could see some logic in them, but did Keith’s feelings follow any logic at all? That would have to be a hard no.

“Maybe we could talk to him?” Hunk suggested, scuffling back on the bed so that he was sat next to Lance.

Without thinking, Lance shook his head. “No. I have to do it.”

-

_As Keith approached, Lance grinned smugly and puffed out his chest._

_Keith stared at him blankly. “What?”_

_Lance raised his eyebrows. “Notice anything different about me?”_

_Keith looked Lance up and down, making Lance’s heart rate jump a little. “Nope.”_

_“Come on!” Lance said, exasperated._

_Keith crossed his arms. “I honestly don’t know.”_

_“I’ve grown two inches!” Lance replied excitedly. “I’m taller than you now–”_

_Keith took a step closer to Lance, then measured their height difference with his hand. “Are you sure about that?”_

_“What?! You grew too?! That’s not fair!” Lance groaned. He had been waiting years to overtake Keith, and he thought he had finally done it, only for his achievement to be snatched away at the last second._

_“Looks like I did,” said Keith, avoiding Lance’s eye and falling silent._

_Lance furrowed his eyebrows. “Why aren’t you bragging? Is something up?” He tilted his head from side to side with every word._

_“What – no. I’m fine,” Keith said quickly, tugging at his sleeves and pulling them down over his hands._

_“Pssh,” said Lance, evidently not convinced._

_“I’m_ fine _.” He turned to walk away, but Lance grabbed his arm to stop him._

_“Keith, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, but you don’t have to lie to me.” Lance hoped his voice was sincere. He was used to providing the entertainment, not the emotional support. Keith hadn’t shrugged his hand away, so he kept it in place._

_Keith looked at the ground and shovelled the gravel around with his foot. “I just got into a fight with my – with my mom, that’s all.”_

_“You’ll make up though, right?” Lance replied, biting his lip. “You always do.”_

_“Yeah, I guess so. Can we stop talking about this now? Talking about feelings makes me want to throw up.” He pulled a face._

_Lance couldn’t restrain his laughter. “You didn’t even mention a single thing you were feeling!”_

_“Whatever, that was enough.”_

_Lance clapped him on the back. “Man, I feel bad for whoever your soulmate is.”_

_“Why, because they’ll always be second best?” Keith retaliated, a smirk creeping up onto his face._

_“Are your standards really that low?”_

_“You wish.”_

_Lanced swallowed hard. He hadn’t been expecting that answer._

_Before Lance had the chance to reply, Keith added, “By the way, I forgot to say it earlier. The only person you’ll ever be taller than is Pidge.”_

_Lance gasped, nearly choking on his own spit. “That was low.”_

_“And even now, you still can’t reach me.”_

_Lance blinked in shock. “We’re like, the same height!”_

_“Not for long.” Keith grinned._

-

“Okay, but the last time you tried to talk to him he completely shut you down. Not just a little bit, but _completely_.” Pidge reminded Lance, pushing her glasses up her nose.

“Eh,” said Lance. “Maybe my mom softened him up a bit.”

“Keith? Softened? The first thing he bought when he turned 18 was a knife.” Hunk’s voice was high-pitched and filled with warning.

Lance shrugged. “Some people like collecting stamps, Keith likes knives.”

“You have to admit that’s weird at best,” said Pidge.

“And completely deranged at worst.” Hunk agreed.

“Okay he’s a bit eccentric,” Lance conceded. “But that’s not the point! _Something_ my mom said must have affected him, right?”

“I don’t know, Lance,” Pidge admitted.

“I’m going to go with yes,” said Lance, if a little uncertain himself.

“Well, if you go missing, we’ll know who to blame,” Hunk replied.

Though Lance could be sure that his mom’s words wouldn’t have changed Keith’s mind completely, he had a feeling in his gut that what she had said had had at least a little impact on him, even if he hadn’t said it outright. Keith was never one to say things aloud anyway, he knew that better than anyone. Even if the chance he would forgive him now was slim, that was significantly better than it had been before, and he had to take advantage of that fact.

The more Lance thought about Keith and how to go about this, the more he dredged up old feelings that he had thought forgotten and lost. They hadn’t gone away after Keith had told Lance he didn’t want to be friends anymore, no matter how hard Lance had forced them to, they had, in fact, laid dormant inside him. Now that he had begun to awaken them again, they were coming up in full force. It hurt, it hurt more than anything he had felt before, but he knew he needed these aches in his chest if he was ever going to show Keith that he was truly sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk to me on [tumblr](http://sugakoush.tumblr.com) yo!!!


	5. reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith visits a spot he doesn't go to all too often anymore with Lance's mom's words on his mind and old memories pushing to the surface.

With his eyes on the ground and his shoulders slumped, Keith walked down the street in the direction of one of the local country parks. He didn’t rush, but neither did he dawdle; he had a set destination in mind, but no time restraints. So far that day the air had been mild and he hadn’t needed anything more than a light jacket, but now that the evening was closing in and the sun was beginning to set, Keith felt the chill up his arms and on his exposed neck. He ignored the slight breeze and pushed on.

When he reached the park itself, it was empty aside from a few dog walkers. He slid a quick glance at the playground; it had no stragglers, which he was glad of. He didn’t need to be reminded of how he used to act on those swings, or who he had acted like that with.

He continued on the winding path through the park and stuffed his hands in his pockets. The grass surrounding the path was growing tall and wild, not at all how he had remembered. Further up, he left the safety of the path and ventured into the thick grass, heading towards a row of hedges. At first, it appeared like any row of hedges; full of branches and foliage, but upon closer inspection, there was a crevice in its outer wall, leaving a hole just big enough for a person. Keith smiled at the fact that it was still there. Clearly, the bush had tried to grow over its gaping hole, but it hadn’t quite completed the process yet.

The chill on his hands a distant memory, Keith pulled his hands out from his pockets and pushed a cluster of newer, weaker branches and leaves away from the entrance. Without too much effort, it looked how he had remembered it. He bent down on his knees and crawled inside.

His hair caught on the branches above and those around him poked him in the side and back. Growing bigger and taller wasn’t always a benefit. Keith pushed through, ignoring the sharp pain of branches scraping at his scalp, and he soon reached the clearing on the other side. He wiped down his clothes, sending stray leaves and bark tumbling off him onto the grass below.

The clearing was just as quiet as he had remembered it to be. Ahead of him was a small hill; big enough to have a view, but not quite enough to cause too much exertion when climbed. Instinctively, he headed straight for the uneven path that had already been carved for him, by his own feet.

Keith climbed to the top in a record number of steps. He breathed in a gulp of the night air. The sun was almost gone now, but it still tinted the velvet blue sky with a ring of orange, almost washing out the stars. He sank down into the grass, laying on his back and taking fistfuls of the blades between his fingers. It was a little damp, and he’d probably have grass stains on his ass later, but it didn’t matter.

His brain was finally quiet. 

-

_“Isn’t it a bit late to be going to the park?” Lance asked, his eyes narrowed in questioning and his arm hung loosely linked with Keith’s as they walked along the grass. Most of the day’s light was gone, and now the street lamps were coming to life. The playground looked completely different in the dark than it did in daylight. Keith shivered._

_Shiro laughed and turned around to face the pair of them. “No, it’s fine.”_

_When Keith glanced at Lance from the corner of his eye, he didn’t look convinced. “It’s okay,” Keith said. “We’re with Shiro.”_

_“Hmph,” said Lance, sticking out his bottom lip and glancing at Shiro cautiously._

_“This way,” Shiro called out from in front of them, gesturing for them to keep following. He led them away from the gravelled path and onto the trimmed grass next to it._

_“Do you know where he’s taking us? He could be leading us out here to kill us!” Lance gasped at his own realisation and shook Keith’s arm._

_Keith rolled his eyes. “He’s my brother. He’s not going to kill us. Your mom trusts him, remember?”_

_Keith was pretty sure Lance couldn’t argue with that. He tightened the link of their arms._

_“We’re almost there,” said Shiro. “And, Lance, I’m not going to kill you. You’d make too much noise.”_

_Lance let out a small squeak and shoved his cheek onto Keith’s shoulder. Keith bit back his laughter and hurried Lance forward. There was a growing excitement in his chest to find out wherever it was Shiro was leading them to. Even though they came to the playground in this park most weekends, neither he or Lance had decided to venture past the play area and the grass. This was something new entirely._

_Shiro stopped suddenly. “Here it is. “_

_“We’re in the middle of nowhere…?” Keith said. Then, Shiro disappeared into the bushes._

_“AH! Where did he go?” Lance shrieked, tugging on Keith’s arm. Keith squinted in the dark and peered into the bushes themselves. It was still rather dark, but he could just make out a silhouette…_

_“I’m right here.” Shiro popped out from the bushes again with a smile wide on his lips. “Come on.”_

_“A hole in the bushes…?” Keith wondered aloud, his thought process interrupted by a fierce pull on his arm dragging him forwards. Lance grinned back at him, his fear somehow dissolved in a matter of seconds. Keith wasn’t sure if he would ever fully understand Lance. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to; he liked to learn new things about his friend._

_“I’m going to beat you through!” Lance beamed, quickly sliding his arm out of Keith’s._

_Keith raised an eyebrow, smiling as well. “We’ll see about that.”_

_The pair of them raced forward into the hole; it was just about big enough to fit the both of them, but Keith slipped forward into the lead. Shiro was a few feet ahead, but his ducking slowed him down. Lance was close beside Keith, barely a hair’s width behind him. They dodged branches that poked out into their path and leapt over bigger branches that littered the floor. Within moments, they shot past Shiro._

_“Wait for me on the outside!” Shiro called after them, doing his best to pick up the pace whilst avoiding the stabs of branches._

_The darkness made it difficult to tell where the end was. Rather than seeing where it was, Keith and Lance stumbled upon it. Suddenly, they weren’t being pushed together by the boundaries of the bushes anymore; instead, there was infinite space surrounding them. Such a sudden change caused the pair of them to falter, sending them flat on their faces in the grass. They rolled over, panting, with their chins covered in mud and grass._

_Keith wiped the material from his chin, his face twisting in disgust as he looked at his now muddy hand. “I won that.”_

_“What?! No, you did not! I won!” Lance pushed him lightly on the shoulder._

_Keith pushed him back, slyly wiping the dirt off his hand onto Lance’s shirt. “I landed first!”_

_“Ew!” Lance scooted away from Keith’s hand._

_“I think you’ll find that you’re both losers,” Shiro said, standing above them. “Your faces are both covered in mud.”_

_Lance pulled a dismayed face and_ _swiped the dirt away with the back of his hand. “I won.” He mumbled._

_“You drew,” said Shiro, letting out a small laugh. He pulled the pair of them up onto their feet by their hands and the instant regret show on his face as Keith and Lance transferred the mud onto Shiro._

_“We both beat you, at least,” Keith replied, a smirk creeping up on the corners of his lips._

_Shiro rolled his eyes. “Only because you can fit through easier. Come on, we aren’t there yet.”_

_Shiro took the lead once again and began to trek up the hill in front of them. In the growing moonlight, its height loomed over them. Keith and Lance looked at each other, bewildered._

_“You want us to climb that?” Lance whined. He turned to Keith. “He is crazy.”_

_Keith shrugged. He could already predict that his feet would ache once he reached the top, and especially after they eventually clambered back down again, but he would be damned if he came all this way and decided to give up now. He also knew that, even if it was up a hill he really did not want to climb, he’d follow Shiro anywhere. “I’ll race you to the top.”_

_Keith took off with blinding speed without the restraints of the bushes anymore. His feet pounded on the grass, splattering flecks of dirt up his ankles as he followed the faint pathway that Shiro’s footprints had left behind. His shoes offered little grip and with every step, he was forcing his feet to stay where he placed them and not slip away from underneath him. If he slipped down here he would never hear the end of it._

_“Hey! You’re supposed to give me warning first!” Lance wailed behind him. He scrambled up the grassy mound, shrieking as he realised the sheer lack of grip the grass provided._

_Keith continued striding up the hill, Shiro not far ahead. His foot slid backwards, just as he feared it would. He slammed his hands into the damp ground and curled his fingers into the mud and grass, keeping himself stuck to the hillside. He turned his head over his shoulder; Lance was advancing, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth in concentration and his arms spread wide for balance, prepared to grip onto anything if he lost his footing. Keith grinned wickedly and pushed himself back up, smearing his muddy hands onto his jeans once more._

_“Don’t look at me like that!” Lance yelled, determined. “You haven’t beaten me yet!”_

_Keith snorted. “But I will!” The top of the hill was near enough in sight; Shiro had just reached it himself. Keith’s legs ached and so did his hands where he had landed on them, but he wasn’t about to let Lance overtake him and take the glory that was rightfully his. He gritted his teeth and took longer, quicker steps without staying in one place too long. Shiro’s footprints were the easiest to slip his foot into. Lance’s panting was getting closer and no matter how broad Keith’s steps were, Lance was still able to decrease the gap between them._

_Keith almost growled beneath his breath, then surged forward in a final burst of energy. He practically crawled up the hill, using his feet and hands alike to propel his body forward and leave Lance in the dust._

_At the summit, for it felt like he had just climbed a mountain, Keith bent over and clutched his side, breathless._

_Lance pulled himself up seconds later, his breaths coming just as fast and as ragged as Keith’s. He held a hand up in surrender. “All right, you won that one.”_

_Despite his aching body, Keith stood properly, smiled and raised an eyebrow. His heart warmed in his chest, regardless of the slight chill in the night air. “Of course I did, Lance.”_

_Lance put his hands on his hips. “I’ll win next time.”_

_“You two! Get over here.” Shiro stood a little distance away, the other waving them over to where he was now sitting. “Look at the view.”_

_Keith and Lance padded over to Shiro and sat next to him; Keith next to Shiro, Lance next to Keith. From here, they had a view of the town from every angle, and above them, stars were starting to appear, unaffected by the pollution that was now distanced from them._

_“You brought us up here for a view?” Keith asked warily. It was nice to look at, and it had momentarily made him forget about the pain in his legs, but he had been expecting something a little more exciting, if he was honest with himself._

_“Yeah,” Shiro said, not taking his eyes off the sky. “I like to come here sometimes, it’s quiet. I thought you guys might like it too.”_

_Lance laid back on the grass. “Well, you’re right. It is quiet.”_

_Keith poked his stomach, where he guessed his belly button was. Lance yelped and pushed his hand away. “It’s nice,” Lance said, shooting Keith a glare._

_“I like to come here sometimes to get away for a bit, you know?” Shiro said quietly._

_Keith wasn’t sure if he did know. He didn’t have a lot to get away from. His foster mom, sometimes, but that wasn’t so bad. “Yeah.” He said._

_Shiro leaned back on the grass and put his hands behind his head. Keith, now the only one sitting up, felt like he should lay down too. So he did. Though there was enough room for the three of them to spread out, Keith’s leg was pressed against Lance’s._

_“Do you guys ever think about your soulmates?” Shiro asked, sparing a glance to the side._

_Lance said “Sometimes.” at the same time Keith said “Eh.”_

_“I guess you are both still pretty young,” Shiro conceded, turning his gaze back to the sky above them._

_“Hey,” said Lance, propping himself onto his elbows. “I may be young, but I can still pack a mean punch.”_

_Shiro laughed, though it was more him just forcing air out of his nose than a full laugh. “I believe you.”_

_“If you really had been taking us out here to kill us, I could’ve taken you on,” Lance continued bragging. He stuck his feet up in the air._

_Keith heard them talking, but the words weren’t filtering through. He rolled over onto his stomach. The fire on the back of his neck was always burning, but who was it burning for? He plucked a handful of grass out of the ground, then twiddled an individual blade between his thumb and finger, letting the rest fall in a pile. “Do you think about your soulmate, Shiro?”_

_Shiro paused, then he said; “Yeah.”_

_“A lot?” Keith pressed, not taking his eyes off his hands as the green slowly began to stain his skin._

_Another pause. “A lot.”_

_“Do you think you’ve met yours?” Lance joined in. He rested his chin in his hands, squishing his cheeks._

_Shiro shrugged, smiling a little. “I hope so.”_

_Keith felt something familiar in the way he said it. He was barely eleven years old, he hadn’t even met that many people yet, but something in his heart agreed._

-

His first time up here had been so different.

Keith hadn’t visited in a while. He’d come up with excuses to convince himself not to go; he didn’t have the time, it was too cold, it was raining. The only real reason he had avoided it was because it reminded him of Lance.

He had already had enough to think about with his foster mother and school, but Lance dredging up the past was sending him over the edge. This was the only place he knew that made him feel calm, even if it was drenched with memories and people that hurt his heart to think about.

Keith breathed in through his nose, the air cooling him from the inside out.

He did miss Lance.

It hurt to admit, but he _did_.

He missed having his best friend by his side, no matter how annoying or stubborn. He missed laughing with him. He missed sitting in Lance’s room and doing nothing but playing video games all day, braving the odd stare or two. He could handle the overtime his heartbeat would be under, probably.

Somehow, this place had the power to lay all his feelings bare. Exposed, raw and nothing else.

Now that he knew that fact and he couldn’t well ignore it, he had no idea what to do. Blindly hating was so much easier, he’d gotten almost comfortable with it by now. Holding that grudge against Lance had become a crutch, and now it had been taken away, leaving him unbalanced and completely wobbly on his feet.

But he couldn’t forgive Lance just like that. There was a reason he had ended up feeling like this in the first place, and he couldn’t let himself or Lance forget it. Or they’d just end up here again.

Maybe nostalgia was fogging up his feelings. Keith couldn’t be sure. He’d never had a firm grasp on them in the first place.

He looked up into the sky abundant with stars above him. Lance probably knew what constellation they were from. Or he’d guess haphazardly, anyway. He was so small in comparison to them. He wondered if there was any point continuing to ruin his already meagre life.

Was he ruining it at all, or was he saving himself from someone who would inevitably hurt him again?

Keith had no fucking idea.   

He’d lasted over a year without Lance. He felt so stupid for considering inviting him back into his life now. Lance’s mom has really dug into his skin. Damn her. She’d always been nice to him.

He wished Shiro was here. He needed to talk to him. Not text or call; he was useless at talking about his problems in the first place, and even worse at it behind a screen. He had tried to broach the subject with him over text, but he always ended up deleting the entire paragraph before hitting send. The person he was closest to living in an entirely different city sucked on a whole different level.

There wasn’t a lot going on at school in the next week. He wagered the possible consequences in his head; he could afford to miss some of it.

A plan already forming its bare bones in his mind, Keith pushed himself off the ground and made his way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love me some broganes so here they are  
> [tumblr](http://sugakoush.tumblr.com)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm planning to write more chapters for this and complete it eventually I'm just not sure when, it depends on how much work I have to do ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> my tumblr is [here](http://angelsgame.tumblr.com) i'm always down to talk about these nerds if u wanna !!  
> also sorry if u dont understand the pokemon references.... im a huge nerd but so are klance so its all cool


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